Viridi's Angel
by TriforceWisdom64
Summary: Upon beating Kid Icarus Uprising, you are given the option to set Viridi as your permanent goddess. Level dialouge remains unchanged. It shouldn't have. This story is not for people missing out on the game, as it's almost all dialouge. Best when read right after playing the corresponding level in Uprising.
1. Chapter 1: The Coming of Viridi

Pit: Sorry to keep you waiting! It's been too long, lady Palutena!

Viridi: Right, about that...

Pit: Wait, who are you?!

Viridi: Watch out! Underworld troops approaching!

Pit: Woah! You weren't kidding!

Medusa: Well hello there, Pit. And Viridi, it's always a pleasure. Here to crash my homecoming party?

Viridi: Call it what you will.

Medusa: What better way to celebrate my return than with a festive little bloodbath?

Pit: You'll go down just like last time!

Medusa: A lot can change in twenty-five years.

Pit: They're moving their attack to the ground!

Viridi: I'll get you down there.

Pit: So, where is lady Palutena?

Viridi: She, uh, couldn't make it.

Pit: Wait. I got a subliminal message from Palutena saying that she needed me. That's why I'm here.

Viridi: I figured you wouldn't come if you were expecting me.

Pit: I wouldn't have.

Viridi: You're approaching the town!

Pit: The humans are being slaughtered!

Viridi: Sending you in!

Midstage Progress

Viridi: Alright Pit. Take out as many Underworld troops as you can. If you get in trouble, my own soldiers can help. Want a sneak peek?

Pit: Uh, sure. Whatever you say.

Viridi: Come on out, Forces of Nature!

_Forces of Nature come in and destroy Underworld soldiers in the courtyard._

Pit: Woah! They might be better than the centurions!

Viridi: Anything Palutena can do, I can do better.

Pit: Uh, so, I never got your name.

Viridi: Viridi, Goddess of Nature!

Pit: Nature, huh? Must be pretty big.

Viridi: Actually, um, I'm not all that well-known.

Pit: Let's head to the Colloseum to fight that huge guy.

Viridi: Yeah.

Midstage Progress

Pit: Twinbellows!

Viridi: Do your thing, Pit!

_One thing later..._

Pit: Yeah! Victory is mine!

Viridi: Nice job Pit.

Pit: Your days of darkness are numbered, Medusa! Prepare to meet the light!

Viridi: Alright, let's get you home. My home.


	2. Interlude 1: New Headquarters

_At Viridi's stronghold in a forest somewhere._

Pit: So, this is where I'll be staying?

Viridi: Yep. Whatd'ya think?

Pit: It's, uh, nice, I guess.

Viridi: Make yourself at home. The armory is to the left.

Pit: Uh, sure, okay.

Phosphora: Well well well! Who's this cutie?

Pit: I, um, I, er...

Phosphora: Don't tell me. You're the new guy Pit. You beat Medusa 25 years ago! You're even hotter than I thought you'd be!

Pit: You too.

Phosphora: What was that?

Pit: Uh, nothing!

Phosphora: It's okay, I tend to have that effect on people. I'm Phosphora. You can call me sexy.

Pit: Nice to meet you, se... I mean, Phosphora!

Phosphora: *chuckle* See you around.

Pit: Maybe this isn't so bad after all.

Arlon: Greetings, master Pit. I am Arlon the Serene. A pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Pit: Hey, Arlon! How's it goin'?

Arlon: My word! I mean, it's not that that was particularly rude, but, PLEASE work on your manners! I am a civilized being.

Pit: Okay.

_Arlon walks away._

Pit: What a nutcase.

_The ground rumbles as Cragalanche approaches._

Pit: Hello...interesting rock giant.

Cragalanche: ...

Pit: Sorry, did I offend you?

Viridi: No, he just doesn't talk. He's a rock.

Pit: Oh.

Viridi: Hope you've had fun, 'cause we're on a mission. By which I mean you.

Pit: Great.


	3. Chapter 2: Magnus and the Dark Lord

Pit: Good morning, Viridi!

Viridi: Good morning, Pit. Did you sleep well?

Pit: Well, depends on whether the player has taken a break yet.

Viridi: Shush up!

Pit: Why? Does the player have a headache?

Viridi: Oh forget it. Your mission today is to take out Dark Lord Gaol.

Pit: Heh. "Dark Lord?" Seriously?

Viridi: Don't look at me. I didn't name him. He's one of Medusa's commanders. I wonder when she started recruiting?

Pit: Hold on. She recruited an outsider? How long has she been resurrected for?

Viridi: Um, that's not important.

Pit: Riiight.

Viridi: Anyway, a human army has gone to fight him. Fools.

Pit: On this terrain?! They don't stand a chance!

Viridi: Speaking of this terrain, canyon time!

Pit: Woah! Could you stand to be more careful?

Viridi: Not my fault there's sideways-growing stalagmites. Or are they stalactites?

()

Pit: How am I getting over that wall?

Viridi: Like this!

Pit: Woooooooaaaaah! G-FORCE, IN MY FAAAAAAAAACE!

Viridi: You look like you're having fun!

Pit: I see the humans now! We have to help!

Viridi: They got themselves into this mess. Just like they get themselves into most of their messes.

Pit: That's twisted. What were they supposed to do?

Viridi: I'm not discussing this now. The power of flight only lasts five minutes, so there's really no time to help.

Pit: Okay, that actually makes sense. I need to hit the commander to stop this.

Viridi: Right. His castle is over the mountains. I wish my latest project were done so you could just hang back.

Pit: Project?

Viridi: Top secret.

Pit: Palutena never kept secrets.

Viridi: Palutena abandoned us. She's gone when we need her most. Well, actually, I never met her in person. I don't know how useful she is. What I do know is that my Forces of Nature are far stronger than her Centurions.

Pit: Actually...

Viridi: The castle should be coming into view now.

Pit: Seriously, how long has Medusa been back?

Viridi: Sending you in!

Pit: You know we can still communicate.

Midstage Progress

Pit: Really, this place wasn't built in a day.

Viridi: Time for a birthday party where everyone wants to kill you! Are you excited?

Pit: Great. It's like I'm up against monsters created to wreak havoc and sow sadness.

Viridi: Wait, what?

Pit: What's up with the skull guys? They just stand there.

Viridi: You saw one in the last level, but I didn't bother explaining it then. Same with most of the enemies.

Pit: Funny. Palutena did that too.

Viridi: Treasure to your left.

Pit: How can you tell?

Viridi: I switched your laurel crown out for one of my own. I can see your surroundings, and what's in your heart.

Pit: Oh. That's...invasive.

Viridi: What have we here? I see Phosphora.

Pit: NONONONONO!

Viridi: Oh my...yeah, I won't do that anymore. Freak.

Pit: Woah!

Viridi: How could a lousy human get in here?!

Magnus: Well, an angel. Hope this doesn't mean I've kicked the bucket.

So, you in for a slice of the pie too?

Pit: Pie? What pie? Oh. I am Pit, servant to the goddess Palutena!

Magnus: Palutena?

Viridi: Why would you say that?! You work for me now!

Pit: I know, but it feels wrong to say that.

Viridi: Palutena is gone Pit!

Pit: Shut up! I get it!

Magnus: Uh, you having a private conversation with yourself, angel-face?

Pit: Sorry, I was talking to a goddess.

Magnus: Palutena? Tell her she's been sleeping on the job! Our world is on the edge of collapse!

Pit: Actually, Palutena's gone. I...I serve Viridi now.

Magnus: The goddess of nature? Uh, sure, buddy.

Pit: So, uh, why are you here again?

Magnus: I'm here to take down Gaol for the reward money. It's a rough economy.

Pit: Riiight.

Midstage Progress

Gaol: Ah, Palutena's little messenger boy, at the mercy of a little baby plant.

Viridi: What did you call me?!

Gaol: And Magnus, it's always a pleasure.

Magnus: It's been a while.

Pit: Wait, you two know each other?!

Gaol: It's so like you to pawn off your work to someone else.

Magnus: I did most of the work getting here.

Pit: Uh, I...yeah, kinda.

Gaol: So then you're keen on fighting old friends.

Pit: What is going on here?

Viridi: Just take him down Pit. Mankind's affairs are not your concern.

Magnus: Friend? You are not my friend.

Gaol: You're not as stone-faced as you think, Magnus. You look pretty hurt right now.

Pit: Enough of this. If I'm not getting answers, this fight is over!

Gaol: NOOO!

Pit: We did it!

Magnus: Nice work, angel-face. (To Gaol, no longer armor-clad) I'm sorry it had to come to this.

Pit: Gaol was a human? Oh no. What have I done?

Viridi: Get a grip, Pit. You did your job. Don't concern yourself with them.


	4. Chapter 3: Heads of the Hewdraw

**Wow, you guys really seem to like this one! I wact worried at first that the "dialogue only" format would drive people away. Thanks for your support! Also, I noticed a minor problem: asterisks (stars) don't appear when you save, so I edited this () into the other chapters to show time passing.**

Viridi: Hurry Pit! This is an emergency!

Pit: What's happening?

Viridi: The Underworld forces have taken over Skyworld, and they're using it as a base for their attack on my fortress!

Pit: Skyworld has fallen?! Oh, no. All those centurions...

Viridi: Focus, Pit! Arlon's left for...something important, Cragalanche can't do much in the air, and Phosphora is guarding the fortress, so I need you to take out the Underworld commander.

Phosphora: Morning, Pit!

Pit: Hi!

Viridi: Ahem! Focus, please.

Pit: Right, sorry. Who's the commander?

Viridi: Hewdraw.

Pit: Hewdraw?! Like the guy on the bottom screen?

Viridi: Sure, fine, whatever. And speak of the Devil, there he is!

Pit: He can fly?!

Phosphora: Listen, hon, you're probably the only supernatural being in this world who can't.

Pit: Ouch. That's harsh.

Phosphora: And you're that much cuter for it!

Pit: I...uh...

Viridi: Phosphora, go home!

Hewdraw: Oh hello. How have you been? I'm gonna peel you like an apple.

Viridi: Well that's annoying.

Pit: Permission to engage?

Viridi: Granted.

Hewdraw: Everyone SHUT UP AND FOCUS!

()

Viridi: Okay. This is taking too long. The other two heads hit the ground and are still alive, so I'm sending you down. I'll take care of this guy.

_Pit begins descending._

Pit: How?

_An explosion is heard in the background._

Pit: What was that?!

Viridi: I got rid of him!

Pit: How?

Viridi: A good goddess never gives her methods away to an angel.

Pit: What?

Viridi: Oh forget it. Prepare for land battle.

()

Midstage Progress

()

Viridi: You want some filler dialogue?

Pit: There's a reason I can turn the dialogue off.

Viridi: That's why this fanfic exists. Or, uh, expansion pack? I don't know which fourth wall to break.

Pit: Leave that to me!

Viridi: Wow. That made no sense.

()

Viridi: Watch out!

_Hewdraw head crashes by._

Viridi: You're going to need protection from surprise attacks like that. Head into that courtyard and I'll give you a gift.

Pit: Awesome! Thanks!

()

Pit: I'm ready for that gift now, Mistress Viridi.

Viridi: Here you go.

Pit: So many hearts! Wait, where are they going? Oh no. Not the Fiend's Cauldron!

Hewdraw Head: Oh! I feel so invigorated!

Pit: What was that for?!

Viridi: When monsters get powered up, they can't resist a good fight! And now they're super powered up!

Pit: That has got to be the absolute WORST logic I've ever heard!

Hewdraw Head: Just come a little closer...

Pit: I don't think so!

_Murder_ _achieved._

Pit: Whew! That was dicey.

Viridi: Well, don't worry, I added some cold hearts to the cauldron. The intensity's back down.

Pit: Never do that again.

()

Viridi: Alright, there's a path to the lake just through that gate. The last Hewdraw head regenerated a body there.

Pit: Why do you never tell me these things?

Viridi: I thought we were avoiding filler conversations.

Pit: But that was important!

Viridi: Sorry. Boss time.

()

Midstage Progress

()

Pit: Your reign of terror ends here, Hewdraw!

Hewdraw: Funny, I swear you said that last time, but you were a silent protagonist.

Viridi: Those were the days.

_A fight happens._

Hewdraw: Look how far you've come, Pit. I'm proud of you._  
_

_Explodes._

Viridi: Funny. I think you downgraded, besides landing a job with me.

Pit: Just take me home.


	5. Chapter 4: The Reaper's Line of Sight

Pit: Here we go! So, what's our mission this time?

Viridi: You're familiar with Reapers, from the Underworld, right?

Pit: Not those guys! They're always freaking out and...

Viridi: Yeah, mm-hm, that's very nice.

Pit: But, they have those Reapettes...

Viridi: Those things? They suck! The Reapers themselves are tough. Oh, right, the mission. We're heading to Reaper Valley.

Pit: Wait, what?! Why would you want to go to a place crawling with Reapers?!

Viridi: Well I don't have to go, so...

Pit: That's not the point!

Viridi: They're disrupting my Goddess-Sight, so I can't find Pandora's location.

Pit: Pandora?! Why don't you ever tell me anything?! And there is an ARMY OF REAPERS STRAIGHT AHEAD OF ME!

Viridi: Relax, we'll go around!

Pit: You just said you didn't have to come.

Viridi: Did Palutena ever slap you upside the head?

Pit: Never! Why?

Viridi: It probably would have been welcome.

Pit: Just get me out of this canyon.

Viridi: Working on it!

_Pit flies through some intense wind._

Pit: Ow!

Viridi: Pit? Newsflash. Wind can't hurt you. I could throw in some poison or acid wind if you want!

Pit: NONONONONONONONO!

Viridi: Chill out! I need you! ...For now.

Pit: Uh, good. I guess.

Viridi: You're coming up on the Reaper's castle!

Pit: Let's do this!

_Lasers. Lots of lasers.'Nuff said._

Pit: Woah! It's hot hot hot here!

Viridi: Shut up already! I got it! Sheesh! You're giving me a headache.

Pit: Well now it's just cold.

Viridi: Ooh, that was a burn!

_Ba dum, crash._

()

Midstage Progress

()

Pit: Ugh...did I have to crash through the door? Couldn't I have just opened it?

Viridi: Were you always such a weakling? Or do you work at it?

Pit: Whatever.

Viridi: There's a Reaper in the next room, but don't worry, if it doesn't see you...

_Reaper music starts up._

Pit: Ow! Ah jeez! Oh my, OW!

Viridi: Really? I mean, really?

Pit: Ugh. Yeah, I definitely should avoid those guys.

Viridi: Ya don't say.

Pit: You know, for a place called "The Reaper Fortress", there really aren't that many Reapers around.

Viridi: Those foolish humans must've started another war.

Pit: What do you mean?

Viridi: Reapers are soul-carriers. When a being dies, even a pathetic human, they take its soul to the Underworld.

Pit: So with this war with Medusa, the Reapers must be working overtime. If only lady Palutena...

Viridi: Stop right there! Palutena is gone! Do you hear me? Gone! Don't even bring her up in conversation. She is never coming back!

Pit: Shut your mouth, Viridi! Why the are you even getting so worked up? I know Palutena is gone, but she will not be forgotten!

Viridi: Sure. I'm the one getting worked up.

Pit: Hey, what's that up ahead?

Viridi: That, my angry angel, is a grind rail. I set it up just for you.

Pit: Oh. Thanks, I guess.

()

_After the cavern where Pit fights waves of enemies._

Pit: (Sigh.) Viridi, I...I'm sorry about earlier.

Viridi: Don't be. I really lashed out there. Get used to it. I'm actually impressed that you held your own in a verbal battle with me.

Pit: Hey, what are those targets on the walls for?

Viridi: I could have had you shoot them to extend the grind rail, but if it just goes straight up you won't have to.

Pit: Alright. Palutena sure made a lot of weird decisions during my first playthrough.

()

Pit: Hey, a hot spring!

Viridi: What's going on down the other path?

Pit: Uh, woah, that is not something you see every day.

Viridi: It seems that hot spring is drawing dark power from somewhere.

Pit: So you're saying I'm at the boss.

Viridi: Pretty much.

Pit: And there's the big door that tells me "beware of boss."

()

Midstage Progress

()

Pit: That doesn't look like a boss. It's just a Reaper.

Viridi: Three, two, one.

Pit: Wha...?

_The Reaper transforms into the colossal Great Reaper._

Pit: Holy mother of food!

Viridi: Um, what was that?

Pit: Nothing, nothing.

Viridi: There's a jump pad behind you, but there's an achievement for staying on the bottom of the arena.

Pit: Yeah, I'll shoot his toes and his face will explode.

Viridi: Uh, yeah, sure. I won't question it. Just watch out for his eye beams.

Pit: Death rays?

Viridi: Yes.

Pit: Figures.

_One minute later._

Viridi: Alright. Aim for the face and we can go home!

Pit: Aw yeah!

_Victory._

Pit: You know, Viridi, you're not really all that bad.

Viridi: Thanks.

...

Pit: Uh...

Viridi: What?

Pit: Aren't you going to...never mind.


	6. Chapter 5: Pandora's Labyrinth of Deceit

Pit: Alright, so now we go after Pandora?

Viridi: Yep. Her headquarters is the Labyrinth of Deceit.

Pit: Ooh-kay, but there's nothing out here.

_Vortex opens up._

Viridi: And here we have a space pocket. I've been doing some research but still can't seem to open these on my own terms.

Pit: Riiight. Well, this is pretty out-there.

Viridi: It's Pandora. What did you expect from that freaky mass of blue smoke?

Pit: What's that up ahead?

Viridi: That would be the Labryinth of Deceit.

Pit: It's, er, interesting?

Viridi: Ack! Ugh, all those neon colors are gonna give me a seizure!

Pit: Is that a false path drawn on a wall?

Viridi: Oh, so this is gonna be one of _those _Labyrinths of Deceit.

Pit: I don't even want to ask.

_One minute later._

Viridi: Handoras incoming.

Pit: What? Pandora already?

Viridi: Dude, you misheard that again? Get your telepathic receptors checked.

Pit: Right. Hand. Got it.

Viridi: Alright, there's a tunnel. Moving on!

_The tunnel opens up into the surface world. Wait, what? Am I on something? I mean, last night is fuzzy..._

Pit: Uh, what the heck?

Viridi: Er, I, um... Is it a trick?

Pit: It feels so real...

_The fresh air disappears, becoming the Labyrinth again. Ugh, my head..._

Viridi: Oh my, i don't...

Pit: Is this a dead end?

Viridi: Dude, I don't even know anymore.

_The Labyrinth disappears again, replaced by outer space. I think I'm gonna be sick..._

Pit: I...I don't even care any more.

Viridi: What. Is. Happening?!

_The cold darkness of space vanishes, replaced by...the Matrix?! What did you feed me?! Wait, no, I'm paraoid. Sorry. On with the game._

Viridi: Oh screw this!

_A loud explosion shakes the Labryinth, and Pit turns down a hall and through a massive hole surrounded by plant matter._

Pit: Uh, Viridi? Did you do that?

Viridi: It's an experimental weapon.

Pit: Um, sure. Cool.

Viridi: Don't get on my bad side, Pit.

Pit: Yeah. No problem.

()

Midstage Progress

()

Pit: Alright, let's...

_Gravity flips._

Pit: Woah! Ow.

Pandora: Welcome, one and all, to my humble Labyrinth of Deceit!

Pit: Humble?

Viridi: Nice to see you, Pandora! How have you been since high school? You've really let yourself go.

Pandora: Take that back you treacherous little slime!

Pit: I...never mind. Goddess of calamity, you're going down!

Pandora: You know, calamity was really the old me. I'm into baseball and tennis now.

Pit: Don't you like, _need _hands and feet for those?

Viridi: I think she hit them with her face. That would explain her appearence.

Pit: Oh man, there's so many doors!

Viridi: And just as many traps.

Pit: I'll try this one.

_Seconds later..._

Pit: I'm back here? And how did I go left and come out on the right?

Viridi: I don't care.

Pit: Let's try...OW!

Viridi: Looks like that door has an attitude!

Pit: Um, this one? AAAAAHHHHHH!

Viridi: Calm down, you're back where you started again.

Pit: How? I just fell about twenty feet! Okay, this has to be the right door.

Viridi: Finally.

_After eating some floor ice cream and dodging three trap doors, Pit advances into the next room._

Pit: Gross! It's a giant bug!

Viridi: Gross? Insects are beautiful creatures. And that isn't even one. It's an Underworld monster.

Pit: What's this room?

Viridi: The Hall of Stupid Moving Walls for No Reason Now Let's Move On.

Pandora: It's "Marvelous Moving Walls."

Viridi: Hey, look! An Exo Tank!

Pit: Cool!

...

Pit: Uh, how do I use it?

Viridi: The player's gone through the whole game at least once, he/she should know.

...

Pit: Uh...

Viridi: Any day now, player!

...

Viridi: Your little sister is playing? Is that why we're on Intensity 0? Okay, that makes sense.

Pit: I thought I was just really strong after the first time.

Viridi: Press L to get in, drive with the circle pad.

Pit: I guess we should explain the plot, huh?

Viridi: Right. So Pandora has the Mirror of Truth, which can duplicate anything and make an exact copy, loyal to Medusa.

Pit: So, hypothetically speaking, it could make copies of me and Phosphora to do our chores?

Viridi: Why Phosphora?

Pit: What? I-It's nothing! I just...she's my closest friend, and...

Viridi: Dude, shut up! I was just teasing. I know you like Phosphora. Though if this story had a higher rating I'd tell you a thing or two about her.

Pandora: Hello? Have you forgotten me?

Pit: What d you mean, "tell me a thing or two?"

Viridi: You know Janna from League of Legends?

Pandora: It's Ask Auntie Pandora Hour! Whatever you like, just ask away! ... Please?

Pit: Yeah, I've got a question. Why is the exit to this hallway moving away?

Pandora: Well, because I made it do that.

Pit: And why are there trampolines in this next room?

Pandora: I thought it would be fun to watch people bounce around on them.

Pit: Is there another exit to the traoline room? Because there's no path here.

Viridi: Yes there is. It's invisible. But why is there a path, Pandora? You can fly.

Pandora: The game had to be beatable.

Viridi: Alright, Pit. Pandora is just through that door.

()

Midstage Progress

()

Pandora: You made it. Yay.

Pit: Underling of Medusa, it's time for you to atone for your crimes! I am Pit...

Viridi: Dude, shut up! It was bad enough the first time.

Pit: Oh, alright.

_Shoots Pandora once._

Pandora: Alright, alright. I'll give you what you came for. Here it is. The Mirror of Truth.

Pit: I'll break it with a sweet kick!

Viridi: No, Pit, wait!

_SSSSMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSHH!*^}\^*~]{_

Pit: Huh?

Dark Pit: Hey.

Pandora: Let's...

_Get's punched by Dark Pit._

Pandora: Hey! I didn't...

_Pandora gets totally owned. Easiest boss in the whole game._

Pandora: AAAAHH!

Pit: And that's that!

Dark Pit: Took you long enough.

_Dark Pit lands a sweet kick on Pit's chest._

Pit: Ack!

Viridi: Hey! Only I can beat up Pit for no reason!

Dark Pit: That's for ripping off my look.

Pit: I'm the original here.

Viridi: The original with the not-as-cool look.

_Dark Pit leaps through Pandora's essence._

Viridi: What are you doing?

Dark Pit: Woah! That, uh, kinda stung a little.

Pit: He can fly?!

Dark Pit: Oh, so I can. Uh, I mean, later suckers!

Viridi: Dang, maybe you should try jumping through bosses' essences once in a while.


	7. Chapter 6: Dark Pit

**Author's Note: Finally updated Magnus and the Dark Lord to have the G-force wall bit. Only about six new lines, but it had been missing completely. ... I'm still missing a ton of lines from the air battles, but I don't care. Pandora's Labyrinth took a while to write anyway.**

Pit: So where's Dark Pit? Woah!

_Dark Pit appears and attacks Pit._

Dark Pit: Hey.

Viridi: Hi.

Pit: Ow! Quit shooting me!

Medusa: Ah, there you are, Dark Pit.

Dark Pit: Ugh. And there you are. Well, in my head.

Viridi: What do you want, Medusa?

Medusa: I just want to talk.

Pit: Yeah right!

Dark Pit: If this is about absorbing your commander's power, too bad.

Medusa: Not at all! I'd like you to join my army. I'll help you to defeat your doppleganger.

Dark Pit: As if I need help. I'm Pit's true self. His true, cooler self. I won't have a problem taking every one of you down!

Viridi: Oh no you did not! Pit, show this fool who's boss!

Pit: You?

Viridi: Me.

Medusa: Well this is a little...bizarre.

Pit: What? That he wants to kill me? 'Cause that seems to be everyone nowadays.

Medusa: No, that's normal. He was created by my Mirror of Truth, so his allegiance should be to the Underworld Army.

Viridi: Dude, I don't care.

Medusa: Hmm, I wonder if the mirror cracked before the copy was complete!

Viridi: Ya know, who asked you? Go away!

Pit: Hey, what's he doing?!

Viridi: He just grabbed that shooty-guy!

Pit: ...

Viridi: My celestial super-scanner broke.

Pit: Oh. And he's USING ME FOR TARGET PRACTICE!

Dark Pit: What'cha gonna do now? Hah hah!... Ow! Stop! Ack! Bullets, my only weakness!

Pit: Well that was easy enough.

Viridi: He's headed toward what looks like some ruins.

Pit: Then I better get to stopping him!

Medusa: And I better get to deploying my troops!

Viridi: I told you to get lost!

()

Midstage Progress

()

Viridi: You need to hurry and find That Guy!

Pit: "That guy?"

Viridi: Okay, no matter what, I am NOT calling him Pittoo. It's just lame.

Pit: Hmm, maybe a **fan suggested name?**

Viridi: Yeah, that would be cool. Give the **first ****five people who review this chapter a chance to get their Dark Pit name in the story.**

Pit: Anyway, where is Dark Pit?

Viridi: Follow the scum of the Underworld and you'll find him.

Pit: Understood!

()

Pit: What's that hunk of metal?

Viridi: That's a Cherubot. They're really powerful. Not very fuel-efficient.

Pit: Hey, there's Dark Pit!

Dark Pit: Alright, time to...Hey, what're you...Oh no, is that a Cherubot?

_One major-league butt-kicking later._

Dark Pit: Ugh, how was that a fair fight?!

Viridi: Hah! He ran. What a loser.

Pit: Alright, back to the central fountain.

()

Pit: Hey, there's Dark Pit! What's he doing on the mountain?

Viridi: Targeting you with a sniping staff!

Pit: Oh. Of course. What else would he be doing?

_One precarious climb later._

Pit: I've got you now!

Dark Pit: Uh, yes. Yes you do. Bye!

Pit: Oh, okay. Guess I won round 2.

Viridi: You only need to defeat him three more times.

Pit: Wait, I thought it was one?

Viridi: Yeah, well, the author wants all the alternate dialouge in the same chapter.

Pit: Oh, okay.

Viridi: I can sense that Dark Pit is underground.

Pit: Well, that ruled out 1/2 remaining locations.

()

_Pit finds the underground chamber._

Pit: Ready for round 3?

Dark Pit: You know it.

_Round 3 later._

Dark Pit: Dang, I really need some practice with clubs.

Viridi: At least you weren't using a blade.

Pit: Hey, blades are great!

Dark Pit: Sure.

()

_A minute later, in the hilltop temple._

Dark Pit: Round four! This time, I've got a canon.

Pit: Why do you keep switching weapons?

Dark Pit: I like to mix things up, stray from the beaten path. Unlike a certain other Pit I know.

_One minute later...again...lot of mini-boss fights in this chapter._

Pit: How'd mixing it up work there?

Dark Pit: Shut up! I'll get you in the final fight at the sky altar!

()

Midstage Progress

()

_To the sky altar, awayyyyyyyyy._

Both Pits: LET'S DO THIS!

Dark Pit: Bring it on, puppet!

Pit: Who are you calling "puppet?!"

Dark Pit: Viridi says jump, you jump. She says fight, you fight. She's not even the goddess you serve! You were just quick to start following the orders of the nearest person giving them!

Pit: I have absolute faith...sort of...uh...Viridi's cool!

Dark Pit: Let's just get this over with!

()

_This over with._

Dark Pit: I went easy on you this time!

Pit: He's getting away!

Viridi: Whatever. I don't even care any more. I'm bringing you back, and we'll keep fighting Medusa.

Pit: What?! What was the point of this whole chapter?!


	8. Chapter 7: The Seafloor Palace

**Alright guys! So, remember that Dark Pit doesn't come back til Chapter 9, so there's still time to get those names in! In the meantime, I came up with a name of my own: DiAngelo, a name that means "from the angel" and sounds totally awesome. If you think your name is better, write a review! Anyway, on with the story!**

Pit: A'ight, where we headed now, V?

Viridi: No.

Pit: Sorry. What's my mission today?

Viridi: Our target today is Tanatos, the god of death.

Pit: Tanatos? You mean THE Tanatos?!

Viridi: You don't remember who Tanatos is.

Pit: No, but thanks for the "god of death" tip.

Viridi: Anyway, his base is the seafloor palace. Got gills?

_Sponsored by "Got Milk?" foundation. I have no idea what they do._

Pit: Wait, you're crazy.

Viridi: Pit, we'd established that.

Pit: Right, sorry. Well, here's the ocean. What do we do?

Viridi: Witness the power of nature!

...

Pit: Uh, nothing happened.

Viridi: Dang it! One sec.

_The ocean begins to part slowly, as though resisting._

Pit: Woah, Viridi! You've outdone yourself!

Viridi: Hurgh! Was there ever any-agh!-doubt?

Pit: Uh, Viridi?

Viridi: I...I'm fine.

_Water begins to spill into the open space._

?: Scorn of the Earth, remove your servant from my territory immediately!

Viridi: Dammit!

Pit: Who's that?

Viridi: Poseidon, king of the sea.

Pit: He's trying to close the ocean on me?!

Poseidon: My my, aren't you bright!

Pit: Why are you fighting us?!

Viridi: I'm not exactly well-liked by the Olympian gods. Poseidon for example. Zeus, Aphrodite, Apollo, most of 'em hate me. Artemis likes me, I guess.

Pit: Why do you never tell me anything?!

Viridi: Watch out! Coral!

Pit: Pfft, coral. What's so scary about...

Viridi: Ornes!

Pit: Oh geez! Oh crap! Oh no! Oh...oh. I made it past.

Viridi: Ugh! It's really hard to hold an ocean open while the sea god tries to close it!

Pit: Dang. Talk about third-world problems.

Poseidon: Get out of my domain, or I'll sink you like I sunk Atlantis!

Viridi: Can it, old man! Pit, you're getting close!

Pit: I can see the palace!

Viridi: AAAAAAGHHHH!

Pit: Viridi!

Viridi: I'm fine. You'll make it. Phosphora, leave a present for ol' Barnacle Beard.

Phosphora: With pleasure!

Poseidon: Wait, what are you...NO! Don't form a lightning storm UNDER THE OCEAN!

()

Midstage Progress

()

Pit: Huh, I'd expected this place to be covered in barnacles and kelp, but it's actually really nice.

Tanatos: Well, a guy's palace is his castle, and a castle should be clean!

Viridi: What?

Pit: Who are you?

Tanatos: Really? You forgot me? Well then, I'll be the most memorable god of death you've ever seen! Through E-to-E10+ comedy!

Pit: Alright then. Whatever sinks your palace.

Thanatos: Well for starters I go by Thanatos now. The extra "h" is for "Hey guys, sorry about the translation error in the first Kid Icarus!"

Pit: ...

Viridi: ...

Thanatos: Hey, we gotta keep it original here.

Viridi: I don't care.

Pit: Yeah, I'm just gonna kill you again. Can we skip the whole "land battle" thing?

Thanatos: No!

Viridi: No!

Pit: Wait, Viridi? Why do you care?

Viridi: Land battle is my favorite part.

Pit: ...

Thanatos: I have no idea how to respond to that.

Viridi: Whaddya mean YOU don't know how to respond?!

()

Pit: Ugh. Another room with purple fire on the doors where I have to beat every enemy.

Thanatos: Uh, pal? It's a shooter game. Hold that L button and fire away!

Pit: How did this guy get to be Medusa's second-in-command?

Viridi: Well he _is _the god of death. And as such, it falls to him to carry around the key to the Underworld n his pocket.

Thanatos: I have no such thing!

Pit: Shut up, man. I've played this game before.

Thanatos: Me?! But you've been talking this whole fanfic!

()

Pit: Wait, isn't this the first room again?

Viridi: Yeah, but a new path opened up. It's right in front of you, genius.

Pit: Woah! The floor here is slippery!

Thanatos: Isn't skating just s much fun?

Viridi: Ugh, I hate ice. Plants die, animals freeze, water doesn't flow. It sucks.

Pit: And ice physics in games are never fun! Ever. I mean that.

()

Pit: Oh hey, an elevator. That's convenient.

Viridi: I would've gone with a stone platform over a geyser. Natural and fun!

Thanatos: Going up!

Pit: You're still not _shutting_ up.

()

Pit: A moving platform? That's almost as bad as ice physics!

Thanatos: Oh. Well...I set up some traps. I thought you'd like it.

Viridi: So Thanatos, tell me. Why aren't you ranked above Medusa? You are the god of death.

Thanatos: I'm not really interested in...

Viridi: Hah! Dude, I know about that guy. He almost killed me in a chariot crash. He was doing his hair, of all things. What a jerk.

Pit: What?

Viridi: Oh, nothing. Thanatos should be in the next room.

Pit: Oh really? The one after the long, grand hallway? You don't say.

Viridi: Oh shut up!

()

Midstage Progress

()

Thanatos: Whew! Must've dosed off there. You guys bore me.

Pit: Wow. Just...wow.

Thanatos: Take this!

Pit: Agh! He weakened me!

Thanatos: Now take this!

Viridi: Pit, watch out!

Pit: Oh jeez! He attacks so fast!

Thanatos: Ow! You hit me! Whatever. I'll just assume several much weaker forms like a crappy vase, a stupid sword, a tiny bat, a slow foot, and Russian nesting dolls!

Pit: What? Why?

Thanatos: It's how I add variety.

_Pit wins without being hit again._

Thanatos: Aaaaaahhhhhhh! Farewell cryyyyyyyy!

Pit: That...sucked.

Viridi: He dropped the key.

Pit: So I just have to hold it?

Viridi: I don't know. Divinipedia's not loading.

**Don't forget to check out my profile for YouTube updates! See you next time!**


End file.
